Cycles

Two weeks ago I was trying to cut a wooden skewer into pieces to fix a broken cabinet hinge so I could defrost some chicken breast while rescuing some frozen sausages that had fallen behind the freezer drawer, while simultaneously trying to make a giant salad for lunch.

My brain and handyman skills were not up to this task, given the context of so much parallel processing.
I considered myself a bad handyman before that day, and this was not improved whatsoever by the scissor-tip-shaped incision I put into the fleshy part of my left palm.

In the slowed down time between the wound appearing and the blood flowing I had time to reflect on how annoyed I felt with the universe. The COVID19 Pandemic already had me in a holding pattern - waiting patient and useless - as scientists I’ll never meet work to find a vaccine so I can go back to my important life of catching trains, pooping in the office, going to the gym and playing board games in real life. Now I was going to have a secondary period waiting patient and useless, unable to perform bodyweight exercises or ride my bike or wash the dishes until cells under my skin that I’ll never meet stitch together my muscle and flesh whole again. A cycle within a cycle.

It’s most likely you have never cut the fleshy part of your left palm, but if you have you’ll know it’s one of the hardest places on the body to bandage even if you have a wife to help you. By the time the blood clotted and the antiseptic was dry my left claw was more strapping-tape than skin. A cramped talon that, with every flex of my thumb or wrist, seemed to still be exposing the wound somewhere under there to the environment. I grumpily ate my salad. I grumpily stared at the broken cabinet. I watched the opening scenes of Saving Private Ryan and empathised with the bodies being shredded at Normandy. I went to bed and slept and waited.

As they say: time heals all global pandemics, and while COVID19 is still affecting thousands in ways far worse than a cut palm at least my hand has healed enough that I can ride a bike and move the view around in Tabletop Simulator. I’m a lot less grumpy now. It took a while to cure that. It wasn’t only waiting that solved my mindset. It was, ironically, more cycles. Counter-spinning cogs. Innovating patterns for my new way of life. Finding a way to shower and feel clean on a regular basis again. Designing new workouts that didn’t need my fingers. Walking, working, washing in a repeatable routine that took the anxiety out of waiting.

I haven’t fixed the cabinet yet.


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Easter Beer Hunt 2020

On Wednesday night a super moon rose above Adelaide which was supposed to herald the coming of the 2020 Easter Beer hunt. Alas due to the nature of current events I wasn't able to compete for glory on the fields of a reserve or park near someone's house after a BBQ with friends.

Fortunately I have my own backyard now and Vanessa volunteered to hide a few beers for me after dark. This was a new experience for me - single player beer hunt. I'll openly admit my proficiency in past beer hunts has been less due to my clever locating skills and more down to my speed across the ground and enthusiasm. I'm not good below my knees and I have a preference for not getting my hands too dirty.

I allowed Vanessa free reign to hide my two beers as trickily as possible, with the only condition that it was in a drinkable state afterwards. She set about outside and a few minutes later, head torch donned but no need for a basket, I was off and searching through the nooks and crannies of my new property racing only the clock and my desire for a beer.

If I'd done this hunt with Vanessa in my old townhouse's courtyard I think I would have been faster. As it turns out there is a lot of places to hide a beer in even a modest sized backyard. After I started lifting up pavers Vanessa gave me a few clues. In the end it took me over 30 minutes to find all the beers - a refreshing mental distraction from the isolation of COVID 19.

My final haul: 2 beers and a spare sprinkler head for the irrigation!

My final haul: 2 beers and a spare sprinkler head for the irrigation!

The Organic Calendar

Back in mid-March - when days felt like weeks, and the Prime Minister's directive to stay home was echoed down from senior management - I knew I would need a way to track the coming months of isolation.

I decided to grow a beard to measure the progress of time.

I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror today and I can confirm isolation has been going for at least three days.

image 2050 from bradism.com

In my facial hair's defence, I did have to set it back an hour last weekend.


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Going the Distance

Onkaparinga Gorge from above

It was our eight year wedding anniversary yesterday, another very normal kind of event that has come up during these very abnormal times.

Vanessa and I celebrated (after pancakes) by driving to Onkaparinga National Park for hiking and a picnic. It was an extreme - as well as enjoyable - form of social distancing. We did see on the horizon a few others out enjoying the pleasant autumn weather. I crossed Vanessa's path too, and she crossed mine, which is allowed because we are married. What she and I have and had over the past eight years is the opposite of social distancing. If we’re apart it’s typically a minimum of a sprawled out Golden Retriever, to a maximum of a table tennis table away.

2020 right now is certainly a reminder to appreciate the little things, and that’s what we’ve got, a whole bunch of little things to make this crazy timeline feel okay. If I have to distance myself from society for twelve months there’s no one else I’d want by my side.

Never Been a Better Time to Sell

image 2046 from bradism.com

Sprawling over 3 levels this magnificent townhouse boasts a wonderful standard of living for self isolating through a global pandemic.

The mid level comprises 3 bedrooms, all with the convenience of built in wardrobes for storing extra toilet paper, and the master suite features a designer ensuite and private Juliet balcony that's well over 1.5 metres up from passers by on the street.

image 2047 from bradism.com

Loaded with extras including reverse cycle air-conditioning, security alarm, garage with auto roller door & direct internal access. A gated front courtyard slows the progress of the infected, and with Fibre to the Premise - connected by Ethernet to every room - there's no better place to work remotely or binge Netflix and wait out the collapse of society, while still being in the delivery zone of the cosmopolitan and increasingly popular Woodville Road for all your dining options.

The real wow factor of this home is the spacious family living on the upper floor. This sun drenched area is generous in proportions, perfect for gatherings of up to two people. A stylish kitchen features both intercom and dumbwaiter to receive deliveries and takeout without going downstairs. The open plan living area effortly flows out to the huge entertainers balcony that provides 180 degree views, and a perfect sniping position for targeting looters and attackers (or tipping burning oil in a pinch).

image 2048 from bradism.com

Some of Adelaide's best kept and most pristine beaches are just moments away, so if the burning city is visible through the floor-to-ceiling south-facing windows you can easily escape to the water and surrender your home and your dreams to the frenzied undead as you flee across the waves into another glorious western sunset.

Enquire now to schedule a private appointment, or register for an upcoming open home inspection via Zoom.

COVID19G

I came into a very desolate city today to work from the office, as I had two appointments in town along with a number of minor tasks that needed doing before the inevitable lockdown commences. It was also maybe my last chance in 2020 to wear a polo.

Between those minor tasks I decided to visit my favourite coffee place for a final medium flat white before society collapses.

Instead of the usual queue of caffeine addicts with Keep Cups out the door it was just me and the owner in the 8 square metre store and so instead of the brief hello we typically shared we had time to discuss Caronavirus and the impact to traders and the peculiar flavour of 2020 so far. The topic of working from home came up while he was frothing my milk, and he asked if I'd heard about the 5G problem, about which I assumed he meant the lack of federal investment into a reasonable fibre network for Australia would lead to excessive congestion on the wireless networks while everyone was in isolation.

No, he clarified that the 5G problem was that there would soon be antennas on every block on every street and the government was able to use the 5G frequencies to give people cancer and control their minds.

This was devestating to hear. I thought there were enough problems this year, and now I have to add to the list finding a new favourite coffee shop.

The Fourth Bean

Day 1 of the non-essentials shutdown due to COVID19. Unfortunately I did not panic buy more than a few salads in advance, and I'm already out of 4 Bean Mix. Vanessa did pick up some Woolworths Mexican Style 3 Bean Mix, and in what I'm sure will not be the last of these entries for 2020 I experimented in the kitchen.

Mexican Style 3 Bean Mix is no substitute for 4 Bean Mix. Something is missing, and it's not chickpeas because there was 75g of that in the hummus. Because it was Mexican Style I tried adding some pickled jalapenos in case they could be the fourth bean, but it was not to be.

image 2045 from bradism.com

Later, after a small amount of yard work on the house I'm going to try and sell during this global crisis, I bought a medium chocolate thickshake for the first time in twenty years in case McDonald's close in Australia like they did in the UK.

0 Beans

If there was a silver lining to this Coronavirus thing it was that the rest of society was going to adapt my personal level of hand sanitizer usage.

Unfortunately during my latest visit to the supermarket I learnt that the rest of society was also going to adapt my personal level of tinned 4 Bean Mix usage.