Let's Get This Straight

Now that we can put July behind us the only way things can go is up! It's August, every day I check WeatherZone to see how many extra minutes of sunlight I get that day (usually 2). This year things haven't been exactly going to plan but it's now time to arrest the trend.

The answer is so simple: If last year was so good, just live last year again. After all, nostalgia and denial would be at the start of the motto on the Brad Coat of Arms if I knew jack shit about Latin. I'm going to skip lectures, drive the same car, listen to same music, kick ass at basketball. Everything assigned to me I'll do at the last minute and still pull out exceptional results. It's worth noting that the job I have is essentially a uni assignment, I did organise it right before the deadline and, at least according to my work breakdown structures, I am doing it exceptionally. So I guess I won't be reliving the three months in 2005 where I was just unemployed anytime soon.

I'm going to resume fearing my long term goals, instead of chasing them.
I'm going to be a little less confident in the hope it will make me less of an asshole.
I'm going to quit being that guy that just takes a small point and keeps making jokes about it over and over again to the amusement of no one but myself.
I'm going to start saying 'they' instead of 'their' in general dialect as well as whatever university essays I might need to write (at the last minute).
I'm going to write more stories.

The return of the laid back, well rested and more creative Brad is imminent. I will do it well and I won't post anything about doing things at the last minute in this entry!

If you like Bradism, you'll probably enjoy my stories. It's my dream to be a famous author, and you can help support me by previewing one of my books from Amazon below, and purchasing it if you like it.

The woman with the fake tan stepped into my office, sat across from my desk and lit a cigarette.
At least, she would, sometime in the next 20 minutes. Smelling the future has advantages, but precision isn’t one of them.

My Reset Switch

Uni is my reset switch. I'm going there tomorrow and It's going to fix me. I'll be like a freshly rebooted machine, whirring and ready to take on anything that challenges me.

Today I came home sick from work and spent some time in Blackwood while I waited for a prescription. I went and bought my tickets to The Red Paintings for Saturday night from the new sports store that for some reason sells tickets. There was a cute blonde chick working there and I managed to talk her down $6 on a pair of tracksuit pants, which I can only imagine intensified a lust for me.

Other than that today has been spent sitting and coughing and feeling my throat hurt. It's definitely time for that reset!

Checking BIOS

Uni is teaching me not to take life seriously again. It's fantastic. It's the optimum environment for taking the piss. I spent 10 minutes in a tutorial debating with other academic minds about issues that I first learnt about an hour ago while skimming the lecture notes and eating a bagel.

Then after the tute the tutor said to me "I'm glad I instruct the third year courses where I can experience students like you who have gained a solid knowledge of economics and can show a true passion for it!"

I said "Actually I'm an IT student, the last time I did economics was in year 10 when I just copied supply and demand graphs off this guy called Wiggles."

The tute was also great because I met the hottest girl there. She was the hottest girl I have ever seen in real life. She came into the tute late and sat across from me. At one stage I turned to watch her again and she was gently chewing on her pen. It was indicative of how hot she was that I thought to myself 'I wish I was that pen'... and then spent the next five minutes actually weighing up in my mind if I would trade my body, my life, my friends and all my aspirations just to be erotically suckled by the hottest of girls for a few minutes. In the end I decided I wouldn't, but it was close. I guess no one can be truly perfect.

Uni is all about learning. So much knowledge, so much insight into things that take life's simplicities and give them meaning and understanding. For example, today I learnt that the best way to get all of the Up&Go out of the carton is to first drink normally, then leave the straw in your mouth and violently crush the carton as small as possible. With each clench the science will make it squirt into your mouth and you will get much more Up&Go for your dollar.

I also learnt that this trick and associated noises will not impress incredibly hot women or even economics tutors.

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Daily Status

I looked forward all day to going to 'Moon Underwater', the new incarnation of an old pub. After a week of sickness and shitness I was looking forward to being with people again. The day had been reasonably good as I was prepared to tell everyone:
"You know, one of those days where you spend hours trying to work out some problem or equation and then finally at the last moment it all makes sense, you finish the work and celebrate by eating a bowl of mini-weats".

By about 10pm however it had changed to "You know, one of those days were you think things are going well and then every part of your body decides to act violently towards you to such an extent that immediate sleep is the only possible option."

As soon as I'm feeling better I'm going to beat the shit out of myself.

Adjusting Volume

I saw The Red Paintings and Fourth Floor Collapse last night. Both put on good sets. The Red Paintings weren't quite as phenomenal as they were at The Jade Monkey two months ago. And they only played 90 minutes instead of two hours! For a band that is supposed to be so indie they sure are selling out!

This time the costuming was more sci-fi orientated and there were slightly more props such as body painting on stage during the show. I still love the way that whenever someone on stage isn't playing a part of a song they just stand there like a statue looking very serious. If they didn't do that I think their whole theatrics would fall apart.

Fourth Floor Collapse played their best (only) set I have ever seen! After feeling favourable about the band ever since I heard 'Make Believe' years ago I was stoked to find out they were playing the support for this show. This is something I told the lead singer before their show when I met him at their merchandise table! Then during their show they played Make Believe and he dedicated the song to me! He'd forgotten my name and said 'This is for the guy in the crowd who I talked to before the show and his name has a "D" in it!' If I was a girl I would have been wet. That track was on my first mix CD after I got my car stereo and it meant a lot to me at the time and then to have it dedicated in real life made me feel very special.
Then I talked to him again twice over the night and bought a CD that they all signed. Their new CD is good too! It's called 'Books with Broken Spines'. They are such a good band. I think we're friends now. I might leave a comment on their Myspace and see if I can become a groupie or webmaster for them and live next door to one of them in Melbourne. Wowow.

All I want in Life

Is to be a dork.
And to be healthy.
And some Sunshine!

Bradism 2.0

I had a rough couple of weeks. When life takes away your ability to sit, exercise, play sport, work, taste, get drunk, pee and not cough up phlegm all at the same time it sucks. When it then takes away your ability to bitch about all of that on the internet to strangers it should have been the last straw. But it wasn't. Who knows why? I danced this morning in my room because I was happy to be awake!

I don't really have much else to say about the week. Other than I feel pretty hardcore for the 182 line PHP script which, in 15 seconds, finds the cached versions of all my entries in Google and then recreates them as MySQL inserts and then performs those inserts and tells me that nothing went wrong. The whole time I was doing testing and watching it work I was just reminded of the time I made the journal title that hopping rabbit and Gus was like "Wow, how did you do that?" except multiplied by about 100! Today I finally ran it on production and that's why things are basically back to normal. However, although I did add some extra features today, this is not really Bradism 2.0 it's actually 0.61!

My Life is so Simple

This morning I woke up the lightest and richest I've been since puberty and ever respectively. Being melodramatic is overrated. People live hyperboles while I narrate them. The world is my dead racoon and every day I feel like a kid with a stick. I think this might be one of the reasons I spend so much time alone. People seem to be so busy and stressed and whenever I try and emulate them I end up feeling stupid. I think what I really should try is more poking. I should also probably stop being so distractible and write more prose. But probably's are complicated and I'm too simple for that. I'll just continue to cruise and spectate. The sun will shine for me and small woodland creatures sing with me which is hard to explain to the people walking past your cubicle. They understand why we're singing but they don't understand why they're not in the woods.

Stop Accepting Small Victories

It's Summer Preview time of year again, those days in August where winter loses its momentum and there's a few days of sunshine as it tries to regain its bearings. I guess that's why I'm starting to suffer from hayfever. Hey Body, what the fuck did I do to you again?

Using all the experience in understanding weather patterns that restoring 4 months worth of weather entries for my journal has given me, coupled with having a 9th story window for most of the days, I predicted that today's top of 24 would actually get beaten. I also predicted that it would rain by the end of the day. I was right on both counts. It's probably not that impressive. Still I found a couple of opportunities to spend some time in the sun today. I walked a few coffee stores further to get my daily brew, which I didn't even want on account of it not being cold and I not being tired.

After lunch, as strong gusts brought above me the first of the streaky clouds I realised I had little time left to enjoy a full dose of sunshine before Winter shook its head back and forth rapidly and then set back along it's original course. I headed down to the river where sparrows mingled with gales producing for me a live version of what Funniest Home Videos would be like if it starred only birds. I sat by the bank letting my skin absorb the rays of the sun as I gazed across the water. As swans bobbed by and the clouds continued to congregate above I relaxed and pondered the important things in life like whether ducks can fall in love and if anyone's likely to have noticed that my desk has been abandoned for the last hour.

Uni Day

It was Uni day again today and it was splendid. Once again I skipped the Marketing Management lecture to sleep in and in the wash-up ended up learning more about marketing than I probably would have at the lecture.

There I was creating an awesome bowl of breakfast, mixing ingredients witch style, when the phone rings. I picked it up and forgot I wasn't at work until halfway through my salutation: "Good Morning, you've reached the kitchen, this is Brad". I heard a mumbled prayer to Ganesh uttered on the other line, before the pitch began.

I, sir, had been the most fortunate beneficiary of a brand new LG phone. It would be delivered and set up with no costs to me! How could I say no to that? With some difficulty, it proved. I first revealed that there would, in fact, be some charges. I then heard the same spiels over again. It would be rude to just hang up. Then I asked 'What if I just accept the phone and then sell it on eBay?'

There was some floundering and she asked me to hold while she got her supervisor. Needless to say I didn't get a phone and they didn't get my details.

I then went off to Uni and spent the largest percentage of my time in the gym. I had 30 minutes after that to drink an Up&Go and scan the lecture notes in preparation for arguing with people in the Business Strategy tute which once again I LOVED. Telling people they're wrong about something they're completely apathetic about is too fun! As usual at the start of the tutorial everyone had to write their name on a piece of paper and then underline what they preferred to be called. Except this time I didn't underline Brad McNaughton, I Underlined Brad McNaughton. I Love uni!

The Results are In

Question 1. Are quiz nights fun to have at home?

Answer: Yes. Bonus points for fun powerpoint presentations and Tim stirring a curry at the end of each round.


Everyone has challenges in life. For the most part they're drawn out and thus not very exciting. However when you're not faced with problems it's also dull. This happens to me at work sometimes. Then out of the stagnant waters will burst some problem that I have to solve.

Suddenly I'm chasing data relationships through labyrinths, ducking and weaving around obstacles and chasing ghosts until I find the foreign-key relationship that the old manuscripts would have talked about had I had a copy of them to read.

Or I will be plodding along the seemingly repeating landscape, moving from one end of the world to the other carrying only small amounts of uninteresting goods when all of a sudden a wizard will appear and demand I solve a riddle in order to get the next bland, uninteresting item. Then a quest is launched and I have to assemble a team of different procedures with different skills and oft times conflicting personalities to complete the wizard's quest and deliver this bland object to the kingdom.

At least these challenges are defined. It’s obvious when you get this kind of problem; my eyes will widen as I feel the ground give way beneath me and I plunge into the poorly crafted pit trap that I would have noticed if I’d been paying more attention. The single drop of dew on the leaf beside me will blur into the sea of green as my neck snaps back and I watch the sky disappear. Stumbling in the darkness my heart rate will increase and I’ll find whatever source of light I can to start working out just how I’m getting out of this one.

But I always get out ok, shake myself off and maybe clap my shoes together over the garden so I don’t traipse mud through my cubicle. And if you kinda squint at my access pass, from an angle, it does sort of look like "The Blue Key".

Outside of the tower though, away from my computer where I can’t press tab to look at a map, challenges aren’t exactly harder to find. It’s just in the real world I think fiction starts to blur the facts and I can’t notice when I’m supposed to be on a mission and when I’m just walking back from lunch after buying a coke.

Life would be more fulfilling if every time I was faced with a puzzle the Pacman theme would sound and every time I solved a problem the Puzzle Bobble Level Clear would play. At least that way I would know what the hell is going on.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

This is contradicted by 165,325 hits on Froogle, but whatever.

I have a four day weekend starting tomorrow night. Four days without work and thus four days without pay. OK not quite without pay thanks to the glory of taking your birthday off as a cultural holiday - fully compensated.

Some people live life like their goal is to make as much money as possible. This reminds me of University where for a time every Saturday night the goal was to drink as much as possible. Both goals have the same outcome: Short term gains and white man dancing, followed by pissing off a lot of people and eventually crashing back down on your arse.

I'm sure there are a lot of billionaires out there who would prove me wrong and contest that I should be more driven to earn more money. But I don't need your money old man! I will take some though or if you're a billionaire and reading this please click on my ads! For the love of God I am so close to the internet buying me a keg.

Why Don't You Write About Me in your Journal, Brad?!?

It's a question a lot of people ask me: 'Why didn't you write about me in your journal? I was at x! I played an important part in y!' Or the most common: 'You said you would write about me in your journal!' Which isn’t exactly a question.

It's true that I don't do a lot of name dropping in my journal. In 593 entries Ryan tops the pile with 18 mentions (now 19) mainly because for most of the last 3 years my journal has been retelling funny things that happened at uni and Ryan basically Josh Ryan Evans'ed that whole period for me.

However I'm not one to stick to blindly stick to traditions, and when Jonno told me on the train today that if I mentioned him in my journal then he would hook me up with a free IQ test next Friday I was all over it. I can't even remember what I was supposed to say about him other than he's a cool guy who's determined to make flannel popular.

I'm basically shitting all over tradition with this one and hoping that it will cover up for my lack of point so this is the first non-Timmy entry ever too. Probably appropriate since Ryan is dead now. Unless he wants to post another update about his life just to spite me...?

Assumptions I had about life that growing older has clarified

Assumption 1: Workaholics who work long hours and don't see their family are alcoholics
Clarification: Working long hours makes alcohol more affordable.

Assumption 2: People get married because they love each other.
Yes, just like people go to their jobs because they like what they do, and how people go to church because they believe in God.

Assumption 3: When you get older you can grow a beard

Assumption 4: People value their lives more than anything else
Untrue, people will often sacrifice their life for noble causes such as their country, their family or in some cases to just to avoid being impolite.

Assumption 5: Your Birthday is the best day of the year

Sometimes Christmas is!


My first Saturday night as a 22 year old panned out along pretty much the same lines as my last night as a 21 year old.
I wasn't expecting too much to change in the seven days between Saturday nights. I've been so busy the last few days with birthday things and birthday jokes and birthday binge drinking that it actually slipped my mind that I was 22 until about 30 seconds after I turned 22 when it all hit me and I cried out loud to the heavens about my ill fate. After that I sort of felt a bit better, so it was worth it. But only because it was really loud at Shenanigans and I doubt anyone heard me anyway.
However, I am different on my first Saturday night at 22 than I was during my first Saturday night at 21. Change is a gradual thing. However the one thing that does seem to remain constant after each of these first Saturday nights as an older person is the lingering hangover I feel after my annual, age-acceptance-assisting bender comes to a conclusion.

So this is Tuesday?

My first Tuesday as a 22 year old panned out nothing like my first Tuesday as a 21 year old. Back then I was a struggling IT student with sketchy employment. Now I'm graduated, employed and all mature'n'stuff. I liked the last Tuesday better though. Possible acheivement hangover detected?

I guess these days I'm in a new direction. (That is a reference for people who read the last years entry)

UniversityLand Resort

The UniversityLand Resort is the perfect place to spend a fun-filled day the entire family will enjoy. From the charm of University Drive, Bedford Park to the whimsy of the Tavern explore seven fantastic "lands" of nostalgia, colour and delight. Let your imagination run free in a magic kingdom where life is a fairy tale and dreams really do come true.

The Lake

Join a goose and a shitload of ducks as you sit in the sun near some hot chicks and gaze at the lake. Bring lecture notes to read for the lecture you're skipping or just listen to an MP3 player and take a nap.

The Sports Center
Team up with or against Asians once again and battle for court supremacy. Or head downstairs and use the newly refitted weights room. Court Access is only a dollar.

The IST Building
Tetris, last minute programming assignments and the occasional firing of group members are all regular shows in the IST building located overlooking the hill that you just slaughtered yourself to climb up.

The Tavern

Discover the joys of drinking during the day with pints for the price of schooners on Tuesday AND Thursday!

The Library
Need a reference for an assignment and can't find anything on the internet? Like the smell of billions of books? Need to use a toilet and only know where one is? The Library.

Mickey's House and Meet Mickey
Meet the world's most beloved mouse up close and personal inside his very own home.

Your Bed
Lie on the large, comfortable mattress and doze as sunlight filters through the curtains. Your Bed is open during all morning lectures and tutorials and some early afternoon lectures as well.