Well Off

For only $400 you too can have your own blood extracted, spun in a centrifuge and injected into your hamstring. That's what I did, because if thirty months isn't enough time to heal then maybe a 30ml platelet-rich plasma payload will speed things up. Who knows. Would they have used 31ml if I'd injured myself in August 2015?

You're probably wondering, why does it cost that much? After all, it's my own blood. The doctor even asked me which arm to take the sample from, like I've been to sports-medicine school.
I said, "whichever arm has the best blood in it". Then, "left?"

The process did take over half an hour. It required a qualified doctor, and a ultrasound technician. Both of them had to touch my buttcheeks. Plus there's my partial contribution to the expensive looking ultrasound, the unseen centrifuge, the special needles from Switzerland, the single-use blue bed protector, the copy of The Advertiser in the wood-paneled waiting room. The American Express transaction free. The two circular bandages, for my arm and second arse hole. Yeah, I can understand the cost, it's actually reasonable value.

I just hope it's worth it.

Comments

Add Comment
Toggle Comments Form
Next Entry: How to Tamper With Your Legacy

What do Steve Smith, Barnaby Joyce, Harvey Weinstein and Martha Stewart all have in common?

Promoted: Winter 2018

Winter is over! As well as another three months of me making a video every day.

Promoted: A Bladder Full Of Golden Syrup

In 2018, Anzac Day is a tricky one, everyone caught between respecting the fallen, and wishing for a world where we'd never killed each other in the first place.

Previous Entry: Crossed Hot Buns

I did it. I ate a bacon and egg sandwich between the spiced, sultana-laded hot toasted hot cross bun pieces and it was amazing.


Not getting enough emails? Want to receive updates and publishing news in your inbox? Sign up to the bradism mailing list. You'll also receive an ebook, free!