Well Off

For only $400 you too can have your own blood extracted, spun in a centrifuge and injected into your hamstring. That's what I did, because if thirty months isn't enough time to heal then maybe a 30ml platelet-rich plasma payload will speed things up. Who knows. Would they have used 31ml if I'd injured myself in August 2015?

You're probably wondering, why does it cost that much? After all, it's my own blood. The doctor even asked me which arm to take the sample from, like I've been to sports-medicine school.
I said, "whichever arm has the best blood in it". Then, "left?"

The process did take over half an hour. It required a qualified doctor, and a ultrasound technician. Both of them had to touch my buttcheeks. Plus there's my partial contribution to the expensive looking ultrasound, the unseen centrifuge, the special needles from Switzerland, the single-use blue bed protector, the copy of The Advertiser in the wood-paneled waiting room. The American Express transaction fee. The two circular bandages, for my arm and second arse hole. Yeah, I can understand the cost, it's actually reasonable value.

I just hope it's worth it.


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