Over time I've noticed the occasional squeaker slipping out when I lift something heavy off the ground, hold a stretch too long, or have a quick burst of activity. All part of the aging process, I reasoned. I'm not as young as I once was. I'm not proud of it, but the majesty of the mature human body does seem to come with some extra flatulence.
Then I remembered, LeBron James is basically the same age as me. I doubt he's tooting each time he jumps for a board or lays in a floater. Maybe something is wrong with me?
Of course, LeBron is essentially an archetype for the perfect male athlete, and that probably includes his butthole. Also, I doubt LeBron is buying the week old cabbages and capsicums from the front of the fruit and veg shop, making bulk lentil vindaloo with them, then eating them after ten days in the fridge.