I Hold Words

In my life, and despite 6 units of Comm Skills last semester, I've never been good at reading body language. In actual fact, I'm not even very good at reading bodies. My inability to recognise acquaintances aside, however, one area I find I really fall down in is interpreting signs from members of the opposite sex.
I recently was informed that some girl who I only met once found me hot. This was a bit weird for me mainly because when we did meet I was splashed in my own vomit and running towards some bushes to make more. But still, I only found this out three months after I met her! The fact that I was unable to recognise an interest (even when you consider that for the next two hours I was passed out on a trampoline) that was actually verbally acknowledged speaks volumes about why I might not be able to register more subtle indications of attraction.
There are times I wish I was a graphic artists. Pretty much all of those times are when I want to create graphics or illustrate something, which is predictable really. You see, pictures could explain better than words my inability to read these signs. I’m as good at picking up signals from girls as geriatric elderly drivers are of obeying road signs. And this is what I wish I could portray for you. Fortunately history has done it for me and this article, which describes the biggest ‘Oh, Grandpa!’ moment since the bathroom scene near the start of ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’ will help you feel what I mean.
Yes, that carnage is about parallel with what happens in my mind when I misread signs. This doesn’t just apply to signs like ‘Wrong Way, Go Back’, ‘No Parking’, ‘Stop’ and ‘Children’s Crossing’. It’s also signs like ‘Merge Left’ and ‘Increase Speed on On Ramp’ that I’m completely oblivious to, and all this leads to is more carnage, as you will. And that’s the reason that I’m probably going to spend more time than I want to striking the back of my own garage.
Ah, oh God I love analogies. I love metaphors and I love similes. The level and power of description they afford you is amazing. I really, really, really like them. I like them a lot.
Anyone who’s read my stories knows that I use more metaphors and similes than most rappers. Which brings me to my point:
“Love is hard to find, far harder than late night television advertisements would have you think. Whilst most people look for love, find it and live happily ever after, some people devote all their energy looking for it and never turn up anything. Other people find it in their face when they’re not even looking. Yes, finding love is like playing hide-and-seek with a kid with ADHD.”
I don’t know what makes me think I’m qualified to write about love, seeing I’ve never experienced it nor do I seek it, but people like to read stories that have metaphors about it in them. If that tricks people into thinking I’m deep then it will probably benefit me in some way. Most likely I’ll be able to get away with being obnoxious later because I’m ‘profound’.
Know what I’m talking about? The bit in italics I mean. I now have a photography mission.