I'm Domesticated

After eating an apple a day for what seems like months, I decided to engage in a fruit mix-up and bought some oranges at the start of this week.

However it was only this morning, after I finished my thing of yoghurt and pulled the orange out of my drawer that I realised... I have no idea how to eat this fucking thing.

Imagery flashed before me; for some reason I believed it might be incredibly juicy and literally leak all over the desk if I punctured it. That was assuming I could actually work out how to properly remove the skin from it. Frightened, I reached for the phone and dialled 0, 0 and hesitated over the third zero.

Thank God for the internet. I changed my mind and turned to my IM contact list and beseeched Bradism No. 3 commenter Zoe for advice. She was equally clueless, but thankfully a quick Google search produced accurate results. And as the internet specified I began using my spoon to peel small portions of rind off. As each section ripped off I cringed in fear of the surely impending geyser of juice. It never came. All in all morning tea took about 45 minutes.

Up until today I figured that if I was trapped in the wilderness I, given my general health and ingenuity, would do well enough to survive. I think this misconception was finally truly shattered about 3 minutes into eating that orange when all nearby heard me mutter "what the hell... there are seeds in this thing?"

Comments

Zoe 2 search results for Zoe <img src="images/smiles/cool.gif">
June 15 2006 - Like
Sam Aren't you supposed to cut them into quarters and eat them that way. It's a lot easier. <img src="images/smiles/rolleyes.gif">
June 15 2006 - Like
Zippo Spoons are for grapefruit.
June 15 2006 - Like
Gus I, too, hate peeling an orange, only for it to retaliate by squirting juice all down my front. Those mother fuckers! 3-1!! FUCK YEAH!!!!
June 15 2006 - Like
Sam Who the fuck peels oranges anymore. This isn't the 80s people. There are now containers filled with the juice of the orange. Try looking in the fridges at the supermarket. It isn't just oranges either...
June 15 2006 - Like
Mark I feel that with all this talk of oranges and orange juice I should comment. Here it is.
June 15 2006 - Like
Sam I was still in with the quarters comment <img src="images/smiles/happy.gif">. I am just that full of advice.
June 15 2006 - Like
Add Comment
Toggle Comments Form
Promoted: Yes, There was an Egyptian Pyramid in Rural Australia with a Basement Full of Human Teeth

The World in Miniature wasn’t abandoned, however, it was empty. Outdated exhibitions on unloved grounds. Our detour seemed destined to be a disappointment. Then we got to the basement of the pyramid, and that’s where we found all the human teeth.

Promoted: Five Lessons from Speculate 18

Too much for me summarise in a review. Instead, I thought I'd share a single takeaway and challenge from each of the sessions.


Enjoy what you've read? Want to receive updates and publishing news in your inbox? Sign up to the bradism mailing list. You'll also receive an ebook, free!