Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

To set the scene: The month was a few months ago, the day: unspecified. I was working in the IT industry for an IT company on an IT project. Surprisingly, despite this entire IT context the IT project was behind schedule and over budget. Now I wasn't management here so I'm not completely positive whether this was just normal "it's IT" controlled, planned behind schedule and over budgetness, or whether this was full blow "holy shit we are actually behind the behind schedule schedule and totally over the expected over budget budget". Nevertheless several of the million emails I've received this year were distributed en masse containing recondite buzz words about new schedules, delivering value to key stakeholders and some footnotes about restructuring of existing structures. All of this was then redacted by the incoming Project Manager who jovially encouraged us that despite the hardships currently upon us we were all capable people that, when we worked together, could overcome these hurdles and deliver this IT project under the expected over budget and in front of the expected slightly over schedule schedule.

After all, the email stated in its opening motivational thrust, 'This is Applications Delivery. This is what we live for!'

Several months later it seems I have a peccadillo. It's become more apparent that it's not Apps Delivery I live for at all. In fact other than just being my badass self I struggle to specifically identify any cause, noble or otherwise, for my existence. Whilst getting up early to live in the grown up world of IT development has rendered me the newest parvenu on the block it's increasingly obvious that its motivation and rewards are purely financial, both in short and long term. With this epiphany billowing away a haze it seems extremely evident that my intention to spend $24k on my new car is far and away an over-compensation. Over-compensation for what? It has nothing to do with phallus, it seems my logic is just skewed into believing that having a fully sick automobile might somehow make the months I spent earning that amount somehow more valid and worthwhile. Still, it is a Goddamn nice car...