Carism

I'm not a fan of Mondays at any stage of the year, but Winter is the worst. Not even the proximity of being filled with delicious, cheap petrol on Tuesdays can help brighten my mood after long, cold nights of rain and frost and being woken up early for short, panicked drives to train stations. The contrast against cruisy weekends is grating.

So I've got this problem lately, and I know it's a problem but it's hard to talk about. It's my remote central locking and the fact that recently it hasn't exactly been remote. Most of the time it works and it's fine: when the time comes to open up, the correct button is pressed and the lock springs skyward. But other times no matter how firm or softly or rapidly or closely the unlock button gets pushed, my locks just stay closed.

Let's talk design flaws, I don't know why any car being unlocked by it's own key should be cause to set off it's long, honking, abusive alarm. But when a VZ gets unlocked manually, instead of activated by remote central locking, it honks like a wailing toddler turning its car park into an uptown department store of bad-parenting embarrassment for anyone who probably just needs to get the batteries replaced in their keys.

Car Park God works in mysterious ways and sometimes, on Mondays when he's lazy, that results in mysteriously parking on the top floor of open car parks in the driving rain. And Sometimes those car parks have big puddles up there on the roof that you don't notice in the post-sunset Winter gloom until whoever gets out of you steps into them and swears. AND sometimes cars park close by to you making it a squeeze to get in, especially when whoever's driving you is carrying a thick, unyielding gym bag over their back and trying to balance a water bottle in one hand and keys in their other and tip toeing through a giant puddle in the rain, squeezed between two cars and jamming their finger up and down on your remote and begging your doors to unlock. But, your doors don't unlock. And so your horn start screaming like a fat kid being chased by towel-wielding bullies because someone dared to try and open you with your own key.

But, that one I can't blame on a design flaw. On Mondays, I just do it because it's piss funny.