I've Old Manned Myself

One improper dismount after doing external shoulder rotations on a back
extension machine is all it's taken me to add 60 years to my life. To
think that 6 hours prior I was walking through Rundle Mall and gazing
at the back of an old man with two walking sticks and I steadily
overtook him, thinking to myself "I'm an advocate of perseverance, but
I'm glad that ain't me yet."

The
day had earlier started so well. That is after I sat on a wet seat on
the train. But I went to Woolworths and found that they had both
Nutri-Grain bars and Up&Go Energize's on special. I should have
seen the omen, that they only had caramel, as a sign of things to come.

After
seeing a physio today (who hasn't charged me yet but I have fears of
the expense considering the session included the shaving of my upper
posterior) I have learnt that I'm not even allowed to sit down for 3
days. It's all either lying down or standing up. I average about 45
seconds to transition between. No sitting means that I've had to
elevate all the important peripherals of my pc. As it stands now I feel
more like a DJ than a journalist, and have a strange urge to throw my
hands up in the air when I change tracks on the occasions I use it. On
some advice for my predicament I tried to attract some hot chicks into
my room to ease the boredom of standing by playing Lil' Jon's "Get Low"
but none were forthcoming and the one time I tried to get low it caused
me to spasm in pain. Needless to say, I dread toilet but equally
unfortunate is that it also hurts to fart.