Nostalgic Correlations

If you were to Data Mine the last few years of my life you would find a few interesting patterns regarding my relationships.

In the past 30 months I have broken up with a girlfriend three times after spraining my ankle no more than 10 days before. What does this tell me? Or you? I have no friggin' idea.

This morning I had my first dentist appointment since 30 months ago. My dentist wore a pink shirt and said with a completly non-ironic lisp that I had the straightest teeth he'd ever seen. It was the gayest thing I'd heard for... 30 months. I'm lying. It was the gayest thing I'd heard since yesterday when the Scissor-Sister's "She's My Man" started playing when I was at the gym. All the sweaty, muscular men starting working harder and pumping faster. I totally wasn't into it though. Pilates is more about endurance.

Four times in the past two years I have decided the time has come to end a relationship with a girl after getting lost trying to take a shortcut on my way home from their house. One time it was the cab driver who got lost but I count it. What does this tell me? For one thing it does seem to indicate why the length of my relationships increases as the distance a girl lives from my house decreases. All these relationships were already teetering anyway and these break ups were justified and a long time coming. But when a girl isn't stimulating and you spend a whole evening with them unstimulated you just want to get out of there, get home as fast as possible and stimulate yourself.

I mean that mentally but I wrote it so dirty.

The shirt I wore tonight I've worn once in the last 29 months. Twice in the last 30. It's dirty. I also had my annual review today and I've fallen in love with my long hair.

I'm going to bed now. My ankle was getting better but now it's hurting more for some reason.