Mission Report

Well, how many times has it happened? I walk around with five days worth of crappy facial hair and every time I glimpse myself in a mirror or reflective surface I gently reassure myself "man, that kinda-beard looks good. Totally run with it, just a couple more days. It'll come good."

Then, finally, I submit. I shave my chin and it glistens in the bathroom mirror and I have to endure my monologued lecture. "Dude, you looked terrible, clean shaved is so much better. Never forget this." And I don't forget, for a couple of weeks usually.

So there I was again, this morning, with my best shirt ironed and hanging in the bathroom all ready for crap beard diversion. And I was staring at myself in the mirror thinking as usual "Clean shaved is so much better. Never forget this."

BUT this time I wasn't clean shaved. I took the beard with me into the shower and it came out and looked semi-passable when it was shaded darker with moisture. With my heart a flutter I knew it was time. Even when I realised a button on my good shirt was loose, and had to resort to back up ironed shirt I still went through with it, I took crap beard to work and no one even noticed. Here's why.

First, half the office weren't even around. Not even a challenge!

Also, I went downstairs for two coffee breaks so while people on the street thought I was an idiot with a terrible beard, they weren't co-workers who do peer appraisals of me.

Finally, just before lunch a guy was walking out of the lift and someone who probably knew him was nearby, but behind him. When lift guy got out the other guy started yapping like a dog at him, really loudly. It sounded very realistic and scared the shit out of lift guy.
Funniest thing I ever saw. At work. Today. That wasn't my beard.